paintedpinkmountains

solo

2011-12-31T19:53:00.002-05:00

it seems fitting that i should be hit with a stomach bug over New Years, thus being forced to stay in. It will be the first New Year's Eve I have spent completely alone, and in all honesty, I'm not all that sad about it. The more I think about it, the more perfect it seems. I have much purging to do and I have to take this time to clear my head and focus on what I want to accomplish in the coming year, what I need to do in order to succeed in all my goals. Besides that, in my continual analyzing, it seems like a contradiction to the whole "start the year fresh" idea to go out and drink all night, staying up late only to wake up in the morning starting the new year off hungover. It seems to me that it would make more sense to spend the evening centering the self so that one can wake up feeling refreshed and focused.
On that note...welcome 2012! Consider me centered!

gremlins

2011-10-23T10:07:00.002-04:00

they come in many shapes and sizes. the little voice that you can barely hear sometimes, but you know it's there, and it still packs quite a punch. nagging at you, whispering ever so softly all manner of things to try to sabotage all the positivity that you're holding onto. sometimes they're bold and flamboyant, pulling out all the stops to attempt to be the primary influence in your thinking and decision making. they want to hold you down.

however, gremlins are just fears. that's all. they're a part of you, just like the sunlit, cheerful and encouraging thoughts, gremlins have their place too. and truth be told, they aren't your enemy. they are actually the perfect motivation to push you to accomplish your goals. take them to heart, listen to them, acknowledge them, and then tell them, politely, to go pound sand :) because you know, deep down inside, that while there are all sorts of notions that can come to light, there is only one way to go in life. forward.

where have i been?

2011-09-28T20:38:00.002-04:00

it's been over six months since i've updated this poor, lonely blog, yet i've had it in my thoughts most of the time. i love to write. i love to put words to life. i have an increasing need to get my shit out in one way or another, but life doesn't always allow me the opportunity.

either way, i could go on and on about how busy i am right now, how busy i have been the past few months, the past many months, but it all boils down to the fact that i've come to many a conclusions where my life is concerned

i'm tired of my day job.
i'm tired of my commute.
i have no desire to sit behind a desk anymore.
i don't want to be a part of something that brings me misery anymore.
i want to do what brings me happiness.
i want to show my children that they can find happiness within themselves and move in life in a way that they choose.
i want them to see me do what brings me fulfillment.
i want them to know that whatever they want to do they can achieve.
i want to do what I want to do....and show my children that they can follow their dreams too.

2011-03-27T08:41:00.003-04:00

I have many creative outlets. And there are different times in my life that I seem to hone in more on one over the other. And it's obvious I've neglected this outlet for a little while. The sun is out, however, and spring is here, and the dreary winter days are being pushed away by the blooming beauty all around. Perhaps more reflection will come soon.

More December Views!

2010-12-12T08:40:00.011-05:00

Yesterday, we took our traditional trip to the tree farm to pick out our tree. This is something that I enjoy doing every year. I go back and forth in my feelings to how eco-friendly this is, but have pretty much settled on this being the best option for us. First, it's a tree farm, so they get cut down and are grown on a specific tract of land that is used only for this purpose. Second, artificial trees are made of who knows what and use resources that we don't need to use for this purpose. Third, I'm supporting a local business.

Besides all of those reasons, my children thoroughly enjoy it. As do I. From driving back to the farm, walking through the many rows of trees with their distinct smells, cutting it down (which, the boys did all on their own this year!), dragging it out to the vehicle, setting it up at home and decorating it....it's all just very heartwarming to me and something that I plan to continue doing.

This year, we listened to the Nutcracker while decorating :) We all picked each ornament out, carefully choosing it's perfect location, while singing and dancing around.

One of many handmade ornaments hanging on my tree, this angel was a gift from a co-worker about 8 years ago.

This ornament was a gift from a very close family friend, given to me last year, as it was the first Christmas we spent without my grandmother and my father.

Another handmade ornament :) I love these! We couldn't find a perfect spot for this one so we hung it on the wall behind the tree.

I'm thankful that we chose yesterday to get our tree. It was one of the warmest days we've had in the past couple weeks, with the sun peeking out of the clouds. Today it's raining and not at all good weather to spend any amount of time outside.

December Views - first and not last!

2010-12-10T08:15:00.002-05:00

I participated in www.hippyurbangirl.com/december-views/ last year and thoroughly enjoyed it. In the past, I had felt very dry in my photographic mojo during the cold, seemingly colorless winter months and often my camera would sit for weeks as I anticipated the beautiful blossoms of spring to bring me back to my passion. But in the past couple years I’ve found that winter holds just as much beauty as all the more colorful, bright and fragrant months of spring, summer and fall. The skies are just as blue in the winter and the contrast of the snow against it brings my creative side out. What I most enjoy now, as the weather tries to push us inside with it’s icy chill, are the trees. They appear to be devoid of life, but the way their limbs twist and spread out against the deep blue sky is just as beautiful to me as any blossoming flower. Every branch seems to have grown in perfect symmetry with each other and they take their perfect shapes.

I’ve looked forward to December Views this year also, but have been so busy editing photo sessions from the fall that I haven’t had time to pick up my camera. So this morning, on my way in, I snapped the above photo with my phone as I crossed the river. Most of my commute is spent in traffic as I head into the city, and although I’d rather be at home in my rural surroundings, I’m always in awe watching the sun rise over the waters of the Susquehanna. The colors of a winter’s sunrise will never cease to captivate me.

This weekend, my children and I will be setting up their bedroom as the remodeling is finally finished (well, mostly finished except for a bit of painting). And most importantly, we will be getting our tree. So expect my postings to increase this weekend as I make up for the past 9 days that I’ve missed out on this project.

And please! Go visit www.hippyurbangirl.com ! I've been enjoying her blog for quite a while and always look forward to this time of year and the many other blogs I end up finding through those who participate in this! Many thanks to her for including me in this fabulous project!

2010-11-04T23:35:00.002-04:00

three days ago i picked up my great grandfather's guitar and decided to teach myself to play it. so far i've learned three chords; the d chord, the a chord and the e chord and tonight i started working on switching between them. last night i got the d and a chords down pretty good and i started to switch for a bit and my fingers were really hurting by that time. so I stopped for the night.

about an hour ago I picked it up & my fingers found the d chord with suprising ease. and with the first strum it felt like I kind of knew what i was doing. I strummed a few times and there was no icky sounds, and it just felt so natural. So I switched back & forth between d & a for a while and then went to the e chord. this one seemed like the easiest to learn so far. and while my fingers did start to hurt a bit, it eventually got to the point that i wasn't even noticing it. like they were either numb or i was just a bit excited about actually playing.

it's amazing what it feels like to play. to hear the melody coming from me, the motion of my hand, the movement of my fingers across the strings, the feel of the neck in my hand as I flow from one chord to the next and back to the previous. it's relaxing, refreshing, and i almost feel like i'm sitting with an old friend.

breaking open

2010-11-01T14:45:00.003-04:00

I find myself in a constant state of reflection lately. Looking deeply at the things happening in my life, past events that have brought me to where I am now, the many paths I’ve taken and what role they all played in teaching me the valuable lessons I’ve had to learn. I’ve gone through some crappy times and have spent many a moment wondering why things had to be so hard, why life couldn’t just throw me a ball that I could see coming and allow me to easily whack it out of the ballpark.

I still find myself asking those same questions. Why can’t things just be a little easier? Why does every day have to be filled with stress? Work-stress, stress from a situation that just doesn’t seem to be going away, frustration with someone who says too much, frustration with someone who doesn’t say enough, stress from being overwhelmed with clutter and remodeling dirt. All I want to do is sit on my balcony listening to the birds, watching the sun set and feel the cool air refreshing my soul as the stars pop out one by one, showering me with their brightness, washing away the dirt of every day hardships.

I am aware that I should be looking at it from another perspective, as there are important lessons that I could be learning.

Perhaps the home remodeling is a perfect metaphor to my own internal remodeling. Perhaps I’ve been just as torn up inside as my house currently is. One by one, I need to examine each room of my soul, tear down some walls and put them back up a little more sturdy, carefully brush on a fresh coat or two of paint, re-wire the hardware, clean out the pipes.

Perhaps the stressful situation isn’t going away because I haven’t learned the lesson it’s trying to teach me yet. ……….and perhaps I’ve spent too much time listening to the person who doesn’t know when to shut up that I can’t hear the one who doesn’t seem to be saying anything.

Either way, I’ve been down deep in the muck, and I have spent a lot of time just trying to stay afloat, feeling like I’m running under water. But it’s starting to hit me, as I’ve made the attempt to just try to *be* more lately. There are many things I can’t control, but one thing that I CAN control is my attitude towards life. The more I crawl into a hole the worse I feel. The more I sit around and feel sorry for myself the further in the hole I will fall and it will just take that much longer to crawl out of it and start to brush myself off.

I don’t, by any means, have a perfect life. I hate my (day) job, I’m pretty much living paycheck to paycheck, I’m struggling with many of the things that most single mother’s struggle with, and there are many things that will happen in the coming months/year that are going to continue to tax my emotional stability. BUT….I can CHOOSE to stop allowing myself to be defined by what HAPPENS to me. I can choose to stop allowing all of this stuff to dictate how I feel. Many friends have tried to tell me this too, but I just poo-poo’d them, knowing that I had to come to this realization on my own. Knowing I had to see that the light is still there, and that the goodness comes from inside of me and it’s shining down into my hole in the form of a rope…a lifeline.

I think we all have a cave that we crawl into when we’re feeling drained. Everyone deals with their stress and baggage in their own way, and I think that we have to crawl into that cave to build up the reserves again so that we can be good for ourselves and for those around us. It’s in that cave that we do the reflecting, the rebuilding, and the analyzing. And I think it’s because we don’t go into that cave often enough in our every day lives, even when things are good, that we end up falling into it when things are bad.

imperfect

2010-10-13T09:09:00.003-04:00

I’m late in joining Brene Brown’s weeklong “Perfect Protest”
http://www.ordinarycourage.com/my-blog/2010/9/26/the-perfect-protest.html
but it’s something I need to do. For someone who spent too many years putting up with emotional abuse, I’m well aware of how imperfect I am. But I’m ready to embrace it. I’m ready to admit the many things that are “wrong” with me and say “who cares”. So here goes

I walk heavy. Amazing how such a short person can make such noise.
I haven’t washed my vehicle in over a year…possibly closer to two.
I allow my children to eat in the living room.
I sometimes forget about leftovers and produce in my fridge.
I have weeds growing up around my mailbox.
I often leave clothes laying around.
Sometimes I’ll pull laundry out of the dryer and it will sit in the basket for a few days.
I don’t brush my hair every day, and often just wash it and throw it up in mess on my head.
I change my mind a lot.
I wear my heart on my sleeve.
I worry, a lot.
My friends have many wonderful things to say about me, but I rarely believe them.
I’m not as strong as people think I am.
I’m about 35 pounds over weight.
I don’t exercise enough.
I sometimes leave the dishes in the sink.
I often take things personally.
I’m afraid of my feelings.
I edit myself even when I’m writing in my journal.
I have a hard time letting go of regrets.
I’ve written a few more things but hit the backspace key and decided to end here.

early thirties

2010-10-01T08:22:00.004-04:00

today i turn 34. this is, i guess, the last year i can officially say that i'm in my "early thirties". these last four years have gone by rather quickly and i can only imagine how fast the next four or so will go by.

i decided to follow the masses and create yet another seemingly popular list. 34 things to do before i'm 35. i have a "life list" which i think needs a little tweaking or adding, and i have the 101 things in 1001 days list....this one needs revamped as there are many life list things on it that aren't really feasible to do in 1001 days.

anyway, i'm heading towards digressing here, the 34 before 35 list....travel is a huge love of mine and there are so many places i want to see. it's really easy for me to want to add all these amazing places to every list i make, but in a year it's not likely i'll get to more than one or two of them, so i had to try to keep it realistic. and i still have about 10 items to add. i've tried to make it about personal growth; things that my soul wants to experience as she's a little neglected these days and needs to be pampered. when i finish the list i'll add it here, but for now, here's a little sneak peek :)

1. Learn to knit - i plan on buying a book and taking this task on under my own instruction. i've wanted to do this for quite some time, but just never made the time to do it.

2. get a regular yoga routine going - i've needed this for a long time. yoga does amazing things for me both physically and mentally but finding the time to incorporate even a 15 minute practice into my day has been challenging. i'm aiming for 3x a week.

3. take a ghost tour in Gettysburg - this has been on my to-do list for years too. and would require very little time and planning. no reason this can't be crossed off my list!

4. research my maternal grandmother's mother's side of the family tree - this is the side we have the least amount of info on but i have a lot of interest in discovering more.

5. polaroid - there are at least two of these floating around in the attic so if they work i'll be playing with those, if not i'll be purchasing one

6. buy a MAC - i've been wanting this for about 4 years. it's definitely going to happen now though. as soon as my upstairs is done being remodeled i'll have an office space to set this up so this won't be a tough one to cross off either.

7. spend a day in bed watching classic movies - i rarely ever take time to myself to just do nothing, and i've been really enjoying older movies lately. i finally got Rear Window and fell in love with it. also have picked up a few old Clint Eastwood westerns and have been swooning over those. i grew up with a lot of these movies. my mom was a huge Clint fan and my dad loved all the old westerns so this might be one thing that I cross off two or three times!

I think the biggest thing on my list, however, is to drive 101 in California. i've wanted to do this for as long as i can remember and it looks like it's going to finally happen. i've never been to the pacific coast and the original plan was to start somewhere around Seattle area and drive the entire way down to San Diego. not really feasible time-wise right now...someday perhaps. for now i will settle for a week with my good friend d in an rv from LA to San Francisco.

one more project for the coming year....i'm doing my own 365 photo project. starting today i'll be taking a photo-a-day. perhaps i'll use that to get me posting here more too.

ramblings

2010-09-24T10:04:00.004-04:00

I’m a walking contradiction.
I want to be alone – yet I want to connect.
I want to be perfect – yet I know there is no such thing.
I know myself so well – yet I have no clue who I really am.
I am insanely happy – yet there are so many things I want to change.
I want to run away – yet I want to keep my feet planted firmly here where the roots have been growing my whole life.
I’m stronger than I ever felt possible – yet I’m completely sensitive and delicate.
I know what my gut tells me is usually true – yet I continue to make myself vulnerable.

I think so deeply
I feel things much further than the depths of my core
It’s hard to be such an emotional person
And still guard my soul
It’s a challenge to see people for who they really are
When you constantly question their intentions

I believe that our perceptions are typically based upon half-truths. People only allow you to see what they feel comfortable letting out. When you only have half of a picture it’s difficult to judge a situation fairly. Yet we continue to keep ourselves closed off from opportunities to connect. The baggage holds us down. It guards our tender hearts and keeps us from the whole truth and clouds our perceptions. When you only have half a picture your mind is left to make up the rest of the picture.....often leaving us to base those assumptions of what we don't know on our own insecurities.

Imagine how different our connections would be if we were all real. Genuine. In every sense.

my bubble

2010-09-20T10:04:00.001-04:00

I often feel as if I’m floating through life. Like, I’m going through all the motions, yet not really experiencing any of it. Whatever I may be doing at any given moment, my mind is in a million other moments. Constantly ahead of the next task, constantly thinking about the many struggles I have going on…..and mostly I’m thinking about how calm and free I will feel whenever I’m over all the struggles.

I often think of the piece of writing that goes around in emails every once in a while; the one that tells us to ‘live now’ and not to wait until “the bills are paid off” or “the house remodeling is complete” and that there will always be something to keep us moving. And it is so true, and I know it is true, but I also know that I’ve been completely unable to stop and really live through everything I have on my plate right now. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a calm existence. It’s been many years since I’ve felt at peace with the things in my life (other than my children of course, they are the one constant source of peace I have).

The past year and a half have wreaked havoc on my soul. I have been shaken to the core and tested beyond what I ever imagined I’d be. I’ve had to deal with two major and terrible losses in a very short amount of time. Losing my grandmother….a woman who was a rock in my life for 32 years; and three very short months later….not even being close to understanding her departure from this earth I lost my father….another rock. My ability to grasp the why’s of each of those losses and their timing, and the way each happened…..well, I still have a hard time understanding it all.

There have been other stressors....and at this point, I can say that I am still standing at a crossroads. But the big, important part here is the fact that I am very slowly moving. I feel like I’m starting to take steps in one direction. This direction may have other crossroads, but it’s a direction that I’ve been avoiding for quite some time. It’s a place that I never thought I would come to, nor did I want to admit that I needed to come to it.

Everyone has their vision of where they *think* their life will go. I always had a vision as a child….one where I met the perfect man, had the perfect wedding (with my father walking me down the aisle and my grandmother sitting right in the front next to my mother), brought my beautiful children home from the hospital with the same loving husband by my side and continued to spend years providing them with the same close, loving family surroundings that I grew up with as a child.

My father will never walk me down the aisle; my children spent their first three months of life in the NICU and while they are perfect and loved by all beyond anything imaginable, their father and I will never be happily married. My grandmother will never again greet me when I walk through the door at the end of the day…..but I am starting to come to terms with the fact that I have to be okay with this. I have no other choice than to accept that this is my life. In all the imperfections, all the things that have gone the total opposite of what I expected, they are all the hills and valleys that were meant for my life. Someone upstairs has chosen for things to go this way, and rather than fall on the floor and kick my legs like a tantruming toddler, I must stand up and firmly plant my feet in the soil beneath me and gain strength from the struggles.

I don’t really know for sure who I am right now. I don’t know for sure where I am going or what I will further discover about myself, but I think I’m ready to find it.

stuck

2010-08-03T14:07:00.001-04:00

I find myself at a crossroads, standing idly amongst the many options, feeling completely paralyzed and unable to focus. Each route enticing me with brightly colored, flashing billboards, touting their lists of glorious outcomes while the one road that I’m on flashes it’s own consistent sign warning me that those other outcomes are empty promises and that there is security in continuing to stay on route.

I stand here, wanting so for the road that I’m on to suddenly build it’s own brightly lit billboard with all the wonderful things I’m wishing for it to contain. I’ve spent a long and quite frustrating time wishing these things to fruition and I’m pretty certain that most of these things are never going to appear on this road. I’m becoming more certain every day that this road will always contain the same depressing scenes with the same status-quo experiences and if I stay on this road I am certain to come to the end of it and look back in regret at the options that I’ve passed up.

Life is never easy, and I’m not expecting my road to be full of roses, blue sparkling lakes with amazing mountains reflecting in them. I know I’m going to come across a desert on occasion, dry and void of color; and it’s going to be a struggle to stay hydrated as I find my way back to the sunlight. But it seems that the road I’m on is destined to continue through barren land.

If I were to leave this road, I would leave most of this barren land behind, but I would also be leaving a bag full of 33 years of existence behind me too, and that bag contains many things that I don’t know how to let go of. The bag is tied tightly in unsolvable knots around my waist, growing roots around me. Roots that are important and strong, but slowly starting to weigh me down.

So here I continue to stand, twiddling my thumbs while I wait for an epiphany.

the simple things

2010-06-13T08:45:00.001-04:00

These feet are almost six years old and I still have the urge to grab them and kiss them just like I did when they were baby feet.

2010-06-03T20:31:00.004-04:00

Spring is here. It's here and while there has been plenty of rain there has also been plenty of blossoming beauty all around. It's been completely therapeutic to get out with my camera and capture all of it.
I missed the peak on these beauties, but in a strange way I still find beauty in it's death. The contrast, the fragility, the still amazing, bright colors continuing to hold out in the paper thin petals.
And there's nothing like taking a photo with a specific subject and realzing that there are actually two amazing subjects combined to create depth and contrast. It never ceases to amaze me how I can compose a photo so carefully and still find a new point of view when I load it on the screen.

Photography continues to help me find beauty. It continues to remind me that even though the rain falls and dark clouds shadow over us at times, life still pushes through the much and there is still so much to be thankful for.

And if you've taken the time to read my little blog, please post a comment and tell me where you're from and how you found me. I may be tempted to neglect my poor little blog a little less if I know someone out there is appreciating it :)

random thoughts

2010-05-05T23:04:00.004-04:00

I'm very inconsistent, yet I'm a creature of habit and thrive on routine.

I love being spontaneous but again, with the routine.

I love the smell of fresh lilacs and think they bloom for a much too short period of time.

I've love to mow the lawn, even though I have to use a riding mower due to having nearly 8 acres of lawn to mow and it really makes me cringe to think of the addition to my carbon footprint....especially when added to the fact that I drive an SUV, but it's a 12 year old SUV and I justify it not only by the fact that I need 4wd, but that it's also 12 years old and I plan on not sending it to the scrapyard til it's absolutely on it's last leg. I digress, back to the mowing......I find it relaxing and it's one task in my life that actually can be finished, if only for a couple days til it needs done again.

I usually don't care about capitalizing the first letter in a sentence, yet I'm a bit crazy about being grammatically correct and can't stand to misspell words or use improper punctuation.

I have had some really unimaginable things happen in my life yet I've found my ability to smile again and can still find beauty in the world around me.

I love to write and have so much to say, but as is noted to anyone who actually reads this blog, I don't often make the time to write as I'd like to.

long time no blog

2010-04-05T13:32:00.003-04:00

My poor little neglected blog. I'm so sorry I've not been paying attention to you lately. It's been busy, to say the least. I think mostly, though, I've been doing more actual living in the moment and less contemplating. So haven't really felt much like writing.

Today, though, I am so thankful for this beautiful weather. It was an absolutely lovely weekend. Much sun, many snuggles under the sun with my little ones, and even a little color to my pasty, pale, covered under the cold of winter skin. It feels great to have my toes out, even if I haven't yet had the time to paint them.

Cold

2010-02-08T08:34:00.003-05:00

Really, seriously tired of this weather. The snow is beautiful, but I've had enough already. Little more than one month til spring is here. And it can't come soon enough. I need flowers blooming, birds singing and warm air.

lunch

2010-01-21T21:36:00.014-05:00

went out at lunch today and shot some photos, for fun. it was a beautiful day, if a little bitter, the sun was shining and it just felt really good to be outside.

What brings me simple joy?

2010-01-13T12:00:00.003-05:00

A recent post by Dancing Mermaid http://dancingmermaid.com/blog/2010/01/12/what-brings-you-simple-joy/ begs me to post today. To answer her question, "What small things bring you so much joy?" I'll make a list :)

1. watching the sun rise during my morning commute
2. when my boys walk up to me out of nowhere, throw their arms around me and say "I Love You, Mommy!"
3. a warm bowl of Amy's Organic Chunky Tomato Bisque
4. having great friends at work to help me escape when it gets stressful
5. meeting with a potential wedding client who tells me that she really wanted to meet with me because she likes my style.
6. standing outside my house at night in the complete quiet looking up at the stars.
7. fresh flowers
8. an empty laundry basket (which doesn't happen often)
9. an empty sink (which happens even less often than the laundry)
10. the color blue
11. listening to Hank Williams Sr. and remembering my dad playing his guitar and how he used to sing along.
12. Seeing my mom still able to smile and laugh after all the sadness of 2009.
13. watching flowers bloom in the spring.
14. discovering a new and really really good flavor of tea
15. the fact that I'm able to even make this list after 2009.

Thanks McCabe, for your creative assignments :)

New Year

2010-01-06T22:41:00.003-05:00

Clean slate, fresh start! A chance to make resolutions and feel good about moving forward. But also a chance to beat myself up about things that don't "stick". Setting unrealistic goals with strict guidelines is just setting myself up for failure.

So, my word for the year being "acceptance", I'm going to go further than originally planned with this. Not only am I going to accept the things that have occurred in 2009 and find a way to move on from the grief and sadness in them, I'm going to also add "acceptance of myself" to this list. Sure there are things I want to change but rather than trying to ignore them & hope they go away I'm going to accept these things and look them in the eye and make friends with them. I'm going to say "oh, hello there procrastination, I see you're visiting again". Then I'm going to say "could you come back later? I really don't have time to indulge you right now".

With a new year, I'm bringing a new approach. I'm done making excuses and allowing myself to feel badly about every mistake I make. I will make them, surely, but I will also be moving on from them and not allowing them to hang around. Like the gremlins that take up way too much space in my head, it's time to go!

More December Views

2009-12-26T09:41:00.008-05:00

Christmas Eve at my mom's house. I enjoyed capturing some of her decorations amongst the chaos of four children scrambling to open all their gifts.

Lego's, Bionicle's and Play-Doh, Oh My!

View #2

2009-12-20T14:53:00.007-05:00

I've been snapping the last couple weeks but haven't gotten them off the camera til today. Busy time of year, indeed.

Taken from inside the warmth of my house. S is for Snow, which we got lots of this weekend!

Reflection :)

I love this shot!

One of my favorite things. A jar full of shells from, yep, Ocracoke.

Red Fish

Blue Fish hanging at the bottom :( where he's been for about two weeks now. Swimming up occasionally to attempt to eat, but just falling right back down. I'm hoping he perks up.

resolutions

2009-12-16T10:01:00.002-05:00

2008 was tough, and when it was over I was glad. I looked to 2009 to bring change, to bring the many things I was looking to see become reality in my life, and as January came I began to take steps towards making it all come true. 2009 was going to be my year. I was ready and pushing forward.

Just one short month into 2009 as I basked in the happiness I felt over purchasing a domain and setting up my photography website I was hit with tragedy in the sudden, horrible and totally unexpected loss of my grandmother. A woman who was the rock in my family. A woman who I looked to for wisdom and strength and cherished with every piece of my heart. It wasn’t a natural loss and the fact that I know she would have lived well past the centurian mark made it even harder to accept the loss. And just three even shorter months later I lost my father to cancer. Another rock. A man who spent his whole life working to provide for his family. A man who never thought of himself. He spent his days doing for others, making sure everyone else was happy. Yes, I am an only child and yes he spoiled me and I loved him immensely.

So needless to say, 2009 took a very different turn than I ever would have imagined. I’m still struggling to accept things, especially as the holidays draw near. I still question God every day, how this could have happened. How so much pain and sorrow could be shoved upon one family like this. However, I have persevered in some ways. I continued to work on my photography business. And I needed that. I needed something that could still allow me to see beauty through all the ugliness that had come to cloud my usually cheerful outlook. While I have fallen in other ways and pushed aside a lot of the things I’ve needed to change, I have kept moving on one thing.

And now, as 2010 is just around the corner, I have been making lists, running things through my head and planning what’s to come. For quite some time now, I’ve been compiling all these things to put in one nice big package for the new year……The Year of Me. And this is even before I stumbled upon this blog post: http://artcetera.squarespace.com/artcetera/2009/11/23/the-year-of-me.html

I read this post and made a promise to myself that by the end of 2010 I will also post that I have quit my job for the same reasons. And to answer her question, “What do you choose?”, well, I choose happiness. I choose acceptance for things that I can not change, I choose continuing perseverance, and I choose my own path. Happily I say goodbye to 2009, and although 2010 is going to bring just as many struggles as this year has, I will continue to fight the down. The only way to go is forward and I choose to make my own path.

december views! finally

2009-12-12T20:09:00.006-05:00

halfway through the month but here's my first contribution :)

lunch on friday at a local pub. wish i'd had the d700 with me for this one.

following grandma through the Christmas Tree farm

This one was taken by one of my boys, his favorite decoration. Not too bad.

full plate

2009-12-07T09:19:00.003-05:00

December views.......had I actually taken pictures this weekend, they would have consisted of laundry, dishes, the inside of cupboards and drawers, kitchen utensils, fish bowls.

Tonight.....no procrastination.

friends

2009-12-05T23:14:00.004-05:00

This is not a "december view" necessarily, but it's a view I'm having now, and it's December, and I'm going to go with it anyway.....

This year has been a tough one for me. I lost my grandmother in a way that no one should lose a loved one, and three months later I lost my father to cancer. I also took my photography business official within this time. It's been hard in a way, to concentrate on something that brings me happiness while I'm suffering with grief at the same time. But in other ways it helps me to see beauty where I typically feel sadness and loss.

And through everything I've gone through, I have to give my love to the two girls in the picture, two girls who have become friends that I wish I had had throughout my whole life. They've spend numerous lunch hours listening to me complalin, cry, gripe and just plain bitch about everything that I can complain about. And for that, and everything else they've done for me, I have to show my love for them. They're beautiful girls, inside and out, talented photographers, and have been amazing friends to me. I am so lucky to have bonded with them and I know that the connection we've made will continue........

December Views -

2009-12-03T11:22:00.004-05:00

Joining in the fun http://www.hippyurbangirl.com/december-views. Look for a photo later tonight!

In other news: I finished my 101 things in 1001 days list :) But I haven't read Twilight yet. I think part of my hesitation to start the book (other than being extremely busy lately) is that I'm afraid I won't put it down & other necessary things won't get done....like laundry, and dishes. It seems that everyone I know who has read this book finishes it in two or three days or less even. Maybe I'll tackle it this weekend. Along with Project: Clean-Porch, and Project: Plan-Kitchen-Remodel, and of course Project: Laundry-Dishes-Floors-Dusting-DeCluttering.

Still procrastinating

2009-11-17T13:20:00.002-05:00

I guess I'm not really procrastinating that much. I did paint the living room. One coat of primer and two coats of a beautiful eggshell/creamy white colored paint. It looks fabulous and really brightens the room. The futon is set up and a lovely addition. Most of the couch is still there, but I did remove the middle piece so it's just basically the size of a regular couch now. There is still a lot more room than previously, so progress has been made.

However, the day after, basking in the newness of the room, the flu bug hit. The rest of the week was spent watching one after another of us come down with it. Everyone weathered that storm well and we're all back to normal, but it did lend another excuse as to why I never even started to read Twilight, still have wedding pictures to finish in addition to those two pesky lists.

This week. For real. No more procrastinating.

Motivation of a procrastinating perfectionist

2009-11-05T11:01:00.002-05:00

A few friends of mine recently created a "101 things in 1001 days" list. I haven't done much research into this, but apparently it's something that many people are doing. I decided to start a list, and make it in conjunction with my "bucket list". I have had my bucket list in my head for at least a year now, but never have put it onto paper. Many reasons why, of course. I'm busy of course, overwhelmed with a house that needs remodeled on pretty much every level, spending quality time with my chldren on a daily basis, a full time job, a part time business, and THAT list can go on and on and on forever, with excuse after excuse of why I just haven't been able to make the time (keywords here...make. the. time) to do something that really wouldn't take very long. And it would be rewarding. Making a list, having the list completed, watching myself do the very fun and wonderfully fullfilling things on that list and crossing them off. Rewarding indeed.

Let's go to reason number two of why the list isn't completed. How do I just pick 101 things? I guess I could make the bucket list, and then look at the things that seem "do-able" in 1001 days and throw those on the 101 list, but what if there are more things? Can I actually have more than 101 things? And should I really be putting house renovation-type things on this 101 list? Are they 101-worthy? Isn't that just necessary stuff that needs done? Shouldn't this 101 list (and the bucket list of course) be full of things that will make me happy, things that I WANT to do and experience? So, here you have the "perfectionist" jumping out & then #3...I procrastinate on it and set it aside because I haven't figured out the perfect way to do it, so I just don't do it. Just keep it in my head until I figure out the perfect way to do it. Insane, really. Utterly insane.

So, while I have a room to paint this weekend, and a futon to set up and a three piece sectional to move up a flight of very narrow stairs. I'm going to finish both my bucket list and my 101 list this weekend and set my 1001 days to start on Monday. And come Monday, I'll be able to cross off "paint the living room" from the 101 list :) because these are two things that I'm no longer going to procrastinate on. And maybe I'll add "stop procrastinating" and "stop trying to be perfect" to that list too (even if they end up being #102 & 103).

Now, with this new motivation in hand, I wonder if I could read the first Twilight series book this weekend too, and perhaps finish editing the photos from the wedding I shot at the beginning of October. Or would that be a bit much?

Change

2009-09-18T10:24:00.003-04:00

sometimes change is good. sometimes we are thrust into new situations without a moment's notice and are forced to adapt. not always easy, but necessary, yes. sometimes there are changes that you see and want and yearn for but again, not always easy to take that step into the unknown. often we stick to the way things are because of fear. even if we know that making that change is the best path, there is still a fear that the change might not work out the way we envision.

but certainly there is strength and one gets to the point where more time is spent contemplating how to make the change rather than just jumping in feet first and planting them strongly in their place & saying "just gonna do it".

analyzing can be a good thing, but it can also hinder progress.

Stubborn

2009-08-19T14:44:00.002-04:00

That's me. Yep. And I'd be happy to give you a few examples.

1. Last summer I was adamant about not buying a mower that needed fuel to run. Certainly a riding mower would have been quite efficient for my yard, but it wasn't all that big and I figured I could use a push mower and get a bit of a workout and allow my kids to play outside. But then I figured, well, I'd have to push a push mower, so why not go with one of those old-school reel mowers!!!! They're environmentally friendly, and I'd get a great work out and the whole kids playing outside thing :) Yeah! Ha! I did the whole backyard in about 2 or so hours the first time, and it wasn't all that bad, but it was also completely fenced in. The front yard was not fenced in and I would only get one or two laps end to end completed before I had to go redirect someone to "stay in the driveway, please". And though the front yard is slightly smaller, it seemed to take longer.

So, long story short.....the novelty wore off. When it was hot it was MISERABLE, when it rained I'd be out there every other day it seemed. But I've already mentioned the stubborn thing, right? Needless to say, I still have the reel mower, but I now have about 6 acres that require regular mowing, so I believe I'm going to give in on this one. (I have to point out that I've been lucky enough to have a really rockin retired Uncle who has thoroughly enjoyed mowing my yard this summer. I can not begin to express my gratitude).

2. My mother and I both decided, late in the spring, that we were going to attempt to survive the entire summer without putting in the window a/c units in either of our homes. It worked out quite well as the summer actually started out fairly wet with even temperatures.

It's gotten really hot. The past two weeks have seen me changing clothes sometimes more than merely once a day and taking a quick shower just to rinse off. I am being totally stubborn now. It's August 19th. It's not going to last much longer. Surely I can survive another week, no? Considering the fact that I survived the last few weeks of my (albeit short) twin pregnancy in a house with no air conditioner, 50 extra pounds and two growing bodies inside me, I most certainly can survive another week or two of hot weather.

And here's where I get even more stubborn. Someone had offered to re-open the pool at my parents house about a month ago. I just never made it a priority and figured that there wouldn't be much time left in the summer and I was planning to wait til next summer. I wasn't really being stubborn, but I really really wish, now, that I had made it more of a priority. That pool would be so very nice right now.

I could probably add another couple dozen (or more) items to this list, cause I am really stubborn. But I think I've proven my point :)

Reconnecting

2009-07-29T23:23:00.002-04:00

Tonight I had dinner with an old childhood friend. I think we're actually related somewhere back to our great grandparents. It was really nice, and it feels good to find little pieces of happiness amongst the very unhappy things that have seemed to be taking up too much space in 2009.

It always amazes me how people grow up & lose touch, and all the reasons why. Most of the time there really aren't reasons other than space, time, and just a lack of ability to keep in touch with everyone we meet. People get involved in things, they get busy, they have families, work too hard, and the list goes on and on. It seems, though, that no matter how much time & space has gone by, those connections seem to continue on.

It's refreshing.

Annoying

2009-07-13T15:10:00.004-04:00

Annoying is when you sit down and write something perfect, and then you mistakenly end up erasing it and can't get it back. Then you realize that it took all the energy you had to write that, and you're now starting to get a headache and you also see that the battery on your laptop is running down and you don't have the energy to plug it in.

And your head is really starting to hurt. So, instead of trying to find the words again, you shut down your computer and take a nap. A much much needed nap.

Random

2009-06-26T14:13:00.003-04:00

I rarely, if ever, paint my fingernails, but I'm not really happy in the summertime unless my toes are painted too.
It's tough to find environmentally (and people) friendly nail polish.
I love fresh flowers in a beautiful vase.
I love how yoga makes me feel, but I only end up doing it on average about once a month.
I have a large collection of poetry that I have written over the years. Maybe someday I'll do something with it.
I love writing utensils, mostly pens. And paper, and notebooks, and I love writing by hand.
I also love books. Especially used books, old books, books that have been touched, enjoyed and show just how much. Something about the texture of a worn hardcover book in my hands.
I thought about numbering this list, but decided not to.
I could still change my mind and add numbers, or bullet points.
I have a hard time making decisions.
I'm a Libra, in many many ways.
I am always very quick to point out grammatical or punctuation errors or typos in other's writing, but a lot of times, I will send emails using all lowercase and make up my own words........and do that thing with the dots.......like this.
I swore I would never ever own a pair of crocs, but I do, and I love them, and I would wear them every day if I could.
When I was pregnant I ate Moose Tracks ice cream every day. Sometimes more than once.

Beep Beep

2009-06-09T13:58:00.002-04:00

The classic Road Runner. A car that has become rusty and is falling to pieces from sitting lonely for years in my parents driveway, quite neglected due to lack of time to give it the attention it needs. Yet when I look at that car, I still see the sprawling red stripe running back across it's shiny, beautiful black painted surface. I still hear the deep rumbling of it's engine, humming softly af first, but getting louder, feeling it in my bones as it gets closer, closer to the driveway. Then the gentle revving just before being shut off outside the garage. I knew within seconds that my daddy would be walking through the door, usually pulling a candy bar out of his pocket for his only little girl.

Oh how I miss you daddy, what I wouldn't give to feel the bristle of your cheeks on my face as you lean down to hug me close.

I bugged you for years, daddy, to get rid of that car. A car that you "would like to fix up someday". Well, it might take me years, but if I can I would like to pour my blood, sweat & tears into that reality for you. I don't even know where to start, but I know how it's going to feel to finish.

Long overwhelming days

2009-05-28T13:50:00.002-04:00

Life has been quite overwhelming lately. Physically, emotionally and mentally overwhelming. Each day I go from feeling content for a nanosecond to feeling a rush of grief, followed by moments of sadness alternating with a push to keep moving. One minute I'm functioning, completing what needs to be done, but within minutes I'm back to feeling lost. Another minute I'm entertaining my creative side only to be left feeling guilty for looking for happiness amongst the muck. It sounds crazy, and it feels like it too. I feel everything, but yet I don't know what to feel.

And this would be the perfect time for me to write, but I can't seem to find the time to do it. I know that I should make time for my morning pages, but it's hard when everything I own is split up between three different residences. Sure the laptop is at one house, but the power cord is at another and which bag (in which house) did I put my journals in? Not to mention working full time (with an exhausting commute to boot), and trying to move all the contents of three houses into one while working on renovating the house that I'm attempting to move into. Did I mention that I also have twin boys? Oh & there's that photography business I've launched.

But I'm sure that someday soon things will fall into place. The renovation project will be an ongoing thing, and part of me is fairly excited about it. It's bittersweet though, knowing that everything I ever knew my grandmother's house to be is slowly going to be replaced with my own touch, my own visions. No matter what physical changes I make to that house, however, the positive energy of the many generations before me, back to my great great great grandparents who built the home, will never fade away.

I'm unsure though, when the sting from so much loss in such a short period of time will subside. One can keep themselves busy & try to continue on, but things will never be the same and that's something that busy can't cover up.

here comes the rain again

2009-05-20T11:27:00.002-04:00

I spend every morning & afternoon commute listening to NPR on the radio. I read the local newspaper almost daily. I used to hear all the very sad stories of people's struggles and the very bad hands some are dealt in life, and I would wonder to myself "how do people deal with such tragedies? How must that pain feel? How can one move on & find happiness amongst such grief?"

I now know answers to at least part of those questions, and I wish I didn't. This year has been the worst year of my life and it's not even halfway over. I started the year out with a sort of manic motivation to make this a really great year, a really productive year, a year where I would find myself on a path to a life that is full of fulfillment. Instead I've spent the past few months watching people I love dearly leave this life for reasons which I'll never understand. I've watched my family be touched by more pain than one should have to endure in such a short period of time. And I stand here still holding these visions of a beautiful life in the palm of my hand, guarding my hopes & dreams with every ounce of strength I have, while feeling completely brittle inside and out, trying not to fall to pieces.

I know this will pass, I know there's strength there, but wallow in grief I must.....again.

I miss you daddy, please tell Gammy that I miss her too.

Gremlins

2009-04-23T15:52:00.002-04:00

Not the movie, but those little buggers in the back of your mind that creep up when you start to realize just how capable & talented you are at something. They are the voices that whisper to you just loud enough for you to hear "are you sure? do you really think so?" Just enough to make you stop & entertain their silly musings. Because that's all they are. Just silliness.

Ah yes, there it is!

2009-04-18T15:06:00.003-04:00

Spring ! It seems to officially be here. The sun is shining beautifully and there's a slight breeze. The warm air feels so good. No coat! It's been fabulous today, indeed.

I have so much to say, but time is not something that I seem to have a lot of lately. I've launched a photography business so most of my free time has been devoted to getting that going.

It feels really good to be doing. I could easily have crawled into a hole and locked myself away with all the sad things that have happened so far this year. But something (or someone perhaps?) is pushing me to keep moving. Forcing me to go above & beyond. I am truly amazed at how much strength I seem to have. Though certainly it doesn't mean that the pain is gone. It is still there, and very fresh, but somehow I am able to look at the sun outside & feel it's warmth on my skin & thank God.

Patient

2009-04-02T05:39:00.002-04:00

I'm quite ready for some warmer weather, and some blooming flowers, sprouting trees, and daily walks in the fresh air. This winter has seemed to be the longest one I've ever experienced and I'm far from ready for it to be over.

2009-03-19T13:36:00.003-04:00

Spring is drawing near. I need some color to combat these dreary days and get the inspiration moving again. Just hanging out, waiting patiently.

blah

2009-03-03T08:58:00.002-05:00

I started this blog with the hopes that I would write more. And I didn't hold any specific expecations as to how often I would write. Of course daily would be grand, but I didn't pressure myself. I wanted to create a beautiful world of words that would inspire, words that would motivate, words that would pull me out of my funk & see beauty in each of them. It was working for a while, but at the moment, I'm lacking in beautiful words. I want nothing more than to go back in time; to find that rewind button & go back & know what to do to make things different.

I can't do that, but I really want to.

Now, I'm filled with endless & unanswerable questions that have taken up residence in my every thought. I know it's a process, but it's a painful process and there's no way to tell when the ache in my heart will minimize.

It probably is a good idea to write through this though. Life isn't always beautiful & perfect or filled with happy rainbow colored butterflies floating around every thought. There is a lot of ugliness too, and that ugliness is a part of life that, unfortunately, can't be ignored. Emotions are emotions, and they're real, regardless of their pretiness, or lack of.

empty

2009-02-16T19:18:00.003-05:00

Tonight, right now, all I want to do is call my grandmother & say goodnight to her. I want to call her & say "hello" and then yawn, while she laughs at me & says "are we starting that already", because that's what we did. One of us would yawn, then the other would yawn, and we'd talk to each other about our day in between yawns. We were tired, but it didn't matter. Just one call, regardless of the duration, meant so much to me. Even just a short, one minute call to say "I love you" and let each of my boys take the phone to say "Goodnight Gammy, I love you", those calls mean more to me than anything right now because I would do it practically every night, and now I can't because she was taken away. She was such a huge part of my life.

Block

2009-02-05T05:41:00.005-05:00

When I write, I need at least 30 minutes to sit & relax, & basically just decompress from the busy-ness of daily life, before I can even start to concentrate. I'm so used to going from one thing to the next, to the next, with no break in between, and then before I know it it's bedtime & I didn't write one single word all day long. I've been wanting to break this habit, but when you only have 1/2 hour (if you're lucky) on a daily basis, it's hard to write when you spend all that time trying to get to the point where you can write.

It's going to take some time, I see, to get this new habit off the ground and running consistently, but continue to push I must!

color

2009-01-24T17:05:00.005-05:00

I love the color blue, in each & every beautiful shade. One day, quite a few years ago, I stood in front of my closet gazing at an ocean of hues from deepest night to the lightest sky. I thought to myself that perhaps I should start trying on some other colors (other than black & white, which I also had a good portion of, and of course that was before children as I rarely wear white these days). Today, my closet still holds a pretty high percentage of blue clothing, but I've branched out & included some purples.

Every room in my house is white and I'm ready to splatter every cotton ball colored inch with refreshing tones of seafoam and lemon and romantic deep oranges & reds. I think I'll keep the blue to only one room though.

2009-01-23T09:17:00.000-05:00

"I feel like my muses are sitting outside right now, on some random and poorly furnished waiting room, listening to "on hold" music, while I scramble to rearrange the life inside. "

-gypsygirlsguide.com

Reading through the "selected posts" on her blog, I stopped as soon as I came to this part. This is exactly how I feel right now. Perhaps my muses are listening to the Jeopardy theme music. And there are so many of them. Sitting. Waiting. Some hoping that I will sit down with a piece of crisp, blank paper, and start letting them dance their beautiful words. Others hoping that I'll pick up my camera and let them paint their beauty in images. They want to create. They want to be free.

And me? I'm stuck in the daily path of repetition and bland gray cubicle walls, ignoring them.

Cold

2009-01-17T13:34:00.001-05:00

It's really cold here. Perfect day to stay inside and cuddle up on the couch with the boys, some hot chocolate and a good movie.

Honesty

2009-01-14T13:18:00.000-05:00

I'm a procrastinator.

And I will put things off until I can do them perfectly, exactly the way I envision them.

That really takes the enjoyment out of the creative process sometimes.

Short on words

2009-01-11T11:27:00.000-05:00

While my mind is always full and running, I'm feeling more expressive in the visual realm lately.

Happy New Year

2009-01-01T16:05:00.000-05:00

a letter to 2008

2008-12-23T15:31:00.000-05:00

Thank you to dancingmermaid for the idea for this post.

Dear 2008:

I'd like to say thank you, first & foremost, for seeing me through. The fact that I am still here and ready to dive into another year is certainly deserving of my appreciation.

Looking back at all you have thrown my way, I'd have to say it's been quite a mix. Ups & downs sometimes by the minute, but I always ended up learning something new about myself. The lessons were sometimes dissapointing, but always valuable and necessary indeed.

And I think that's one of the most important things I'm going to take from you, 2008. The lesson of learning. I have a habit of missing the process when I'm in it, always looking at the end result and thinking ahead & not seeing what's right in front of me. You taught me to live more in the moment and to appreciate what's in front of me, pleasant or not. There is something to be found in every moment, no matter how small, and I'm planning to go into 2009 with more patience and clarity; remembering to see what is there, and not dwell on what will be. Because I really never know what will be until it actually is.

Why painted pink mountains?

2008-12-17T15:43:00.000-05:00

I thought for a long time about starting a blog, and had a ridiculously hard time coming up with a name for it. I shelved the idea for a while, figuring that one day, a name would come to me, and it might not be perfect, but it would fit and I'd know it.

I have a fairly long commute. The first 15-20 minutes are all back roads. Beautiful, scenic back roads that wind over orchards and around farmland and through woods.

About two miles into it, I come to the top of a hill. Upon cresting that hill, a breathtaking scene comes into view. Orchards to the right, fields to the left, hills & valleys as far as I can see that swim all along the horizon. Every season paints a different story. Overcast days in the crisp fall air are my favorite with the fog laying in blankets over the land, allowing the tall pine trees to peek out over top.

One morning, late autumn, the sun was rising brightly as I topped that hill. Everywhere I looked, it's light beamed down on the mountains far ahead of me, painting them all pink. It hit me how much I love this part of the drive. Even if it is a long drive, and the last 20-30 minutes is spent on a highway, or sitting in stop & go traffic, I find it a wonderfully peaceful start to my day.

A little creative bug

2008-12-09T15:17:00.000-05:00

I'm an artist at heart. While photography and writing seems to top the list, I'm constantly looking at things wondering what I can do with them. I hate throwing things away (even if I'm recycling them) and am always looking for a way to reuse things. I recently became a tiny bit obsessed with old jars, bleeding art tissue and glitter. And acrylics. I've always loved making beaded jewelry and would love to experiment with fine metals too.

And now it seems I have a strong desire to learn how to knit. I've always toyed with the idea of making my own clothing, and even though I'm fairly skilled at sewing the holes in my socks I'm not too sure how well I would do with a sewing machine, or knitting needles for that matter. But something about the colors, the feel of the yarn, the repetitiveness of the act of knitting and the satisfaction of wearing something I've made myself; it's all very appealing to me.

I think all of this pretty much screams at me that I need to be creating, on a regular basis. Not just "when I have time", but all the time. I started this blog to force myself to write. I need to force myself to do a lot of other things, including getting a studio set up sooner rather than later.

holidays & healing

2008-12-03T11:41:00.000-05:00

This was the first year I've ever hosted a meal on my own. I procrastinated & waited til Wednesday night to buy the Turkey, and pretty much all the food I needed. But it was a lovely shopping trip with my best friend Sarah there to enjoy with me and had I been prepared I would not have had quite as much fun as I did shopping with her. And she didn't even buy any shoes!

I must add that I recently ended a vegetarian lifestyle that lasted almost 3 years. I'm still not eating a lot of meat, but I find it interesting that I choose to start eating meat again & then subject myself to shoving my arms into a raw dead bird.

But it all went well. I got the turkey in all by myself (with a few repeating phone calls to clarify that "no I don't see any bag of anything in this turkey). Everyone ate & enjoyed it.

Unfortunately, colds abound. I hit the couch Thursday night after cleaning up & didn't move til Monday morning. I wouldn't call it a cold at all. I'd call it misery. Luckily the rest of my family didn't get it nearly as bad as I. Thanks mom, for coming over & making jello, which thank goodness I gave up that veg thing or I wouldn't have even been able to eat that.

hi

2008-11-26T14:47:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving.

Seems like a good time to start a blog, to keep in touch with myself.

Right now I'm thankful for tea. Warm, sweet, green tea, which will hopefully help keep this oncoming cold at bay.