paintedpinkmountains

Tonight, right now, all I want to do is call my grandmother & say goodnight to her. I want to call her & say "hello" and then yawn, while she laughs at me & says "are we starting that already", because that's what we did. One of us would yawn, then the other would yawn, and we'd talk to each other about our day in between yawns. We were tired, but it didn't matter. Just one call, regardless of the duration, meant so much to me. Even just a short, one minute call to say "I love you" and let each of my boys take the phone to say "Goodnight Gammy, I love you", those calls mean more to me than anything right now because I would do it practically every night, and now I can't because she was taken away. She was such a huge part of my life.

When I write, I need at least 30 minutes to sit & relax, & basically just decompress from the busy-ness of daily life, before I can even start to concentrate. I'm so used to going from one thing to the next, to the next, with no break in between, and then before I know it it's bedtime & I didn't write one single word all day long. I've been wanting to break this habit, but when you only have 1/2 hour (if you're lucky) on a daily basis, it's hard to write when you spend all that time trying to get to the point where you can write. It's going to take some time, I see, to get this new habit off the ground and running consistently, but continue to push I must!