paintedpinkmountains

Being me is hard.  I am not merely one person with one simple set of rules, opinions, visions, or way of being.  I am complex, I contain multitudes of feeling and I find myself staring inside at the deepest parts of me sometimes, wishing I could pull them out and deconstruct them and turn them into something simple.  I do understand, however, that this is what makes me who I am.  It just sucks sometimes. I feel things so deeply.  I feel with such incredible intensity at times that it's almost unbearable.  My soul contains energy that just doesn't seem possible, or of this world.  And it's always there.  I can't contain it yet letting it out hurts almost as much as trying to dissolve it, because it continues to regenerate.  I wish my soul had an off button, or at least a pause button.  Even having a minute or two of space for me to breathe and not feel it so deeply would be a welcome break. But yes, again, I do realize that this is who I am and what makes me

Sometimes answers aren't meant to come just because you're looking for them.  Searching for clarity in situations that have not yet played themselves out just seems to cause more struggle which in turn makes it harder to know exactly what you really *should* do.  It's tough to dig down deep enough to let your true intuition guide you when you become distracted by outside opinions and perceptions.  Objective views are great, of course, but sometimes they lack pertinent information. I've struggled lately, looking for guidance and the fact remains that I am NOT at a crossroads.  Obstacles have presented themselves, yes, but I am still on the same road, and rather than take the hand of a force that I do NOT trust or even recognize and let it guide me, I am going to swiftly push the obstacle aside and continue on the road in the same manner that I had originally intended.  I'm going to keep walking in the same way that I had previously felt was right. I am going to co