Long overwhelming days

Life has been quite overwhelming lately. Physically, emotionally and mentally overwhelming. Each day I go from feeling content for a nanosecond to feeling a rush of grief, followed by moments of sadness alternating with a push to keep moving. One minute I'm functioning, completing what needs to be done, but within minutes I'm back to feeling lost. Another minute I'm entertaining my creative side only to be left feeling guilty for looking for happiness amongst the muck. It sounds crazy, and it feels like it too. I feel everything, but yet I don't know what to feel.

And this would be the perfect time for me to write, but I can't seem to find the time to do it. I know that I should make time for my morning pages, but it's hard when everything I own is split up between three different residences. Sure the laptop is at one house, but the power cord is at another and which bag (in which house) did I put my journals in? Not to mention working full time (with an exhausting commute to boot), and trying to move all the contents of three houses into one while working on renovating the house that I'm attempting to move into. Did I mention that I also have twin boys? Oh & there's that photography business I've launched.

But I'm sure that someday soon things will fall into place. The renovation project will be an ongoing thing, and part of me is fairly excited about it. It's bittersweet though, knowing that everything I ever knew my grandmother's house to be is slowly going to be replaced with my own touch, my own visions. No matter what physical changes I make to that house, however, the positive energy of the many generations before me, back to my great great great grandparents who built the home, will never fade away.

I'm unsure though, when the sting from so much loss in such a short period of time will subside. One can keep themselves busy & try to continue on, but things will never be the same and that's something that busy can't cover up.

Comments

Mrs. Architect said…
Life WILL get better. It sure doesn't feel like it now, but it will. :-)
May 28, 2009 at 2:26 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

friends

Image
This is not a "december view" necessarily, but it's a view I'm having now, and it's December, and I'm going to go with it anyway..... This year has been a tough one for me. I lost my grandmother in a way that no one should lose a loved one, and three months later I lost my father to cancer. I also took my photography business official within this time. It's been hard in a way, to concentrate on something that brings me happiness while I'm suffering with grief at the same time. But in other ways it helps me to see beauty where I typically feel sadness and loss. And through everything I've gone through, I have to give my love to the two girls in the picture, two girls who have become friends that I wish I had had throughout my whole life. They've spend numerous lunch hours listening to me complalin, cry, gripe and just plain bitch about everything that I can complain about. And for that, and everything else they've done for me, I have t
Read more

December Reflections - 2016 Edition

Image
I've been participating in most of  Susannah's  photo challenges for a couple years now and while I always look forward to them, I have to say that this years December Reflections  is more welcomed than any I've joined so far. At a time when there are so many words flowing around inside of me, I'm struggling to pull them out and organize them in any rational fashion.  There are multiple projects in front of me that need tweaked and perfected and readied for the finish line.  And all I want to do is sink into my couch, under the blankets, warm tea in hand, and knit. And knit. And knit. Tis the season, right? So, this comes as the perfect daily ritual for me, at a time when all I want to do is hibernate,  and I'm feeling myself resisting anything that doesn't involve yarn, or sleep, or comfort food.  It's good to have something to focus on that feeds my creative energy. I took this photo one morning last week when I was heading out for the day.  It
Read more

The Weight of it All

Image
Early in the spring, the blossoms of an apple tree bring the beginning of a cycle, as they fill every inch of its' branches, creating a brilliant display against the blue skies and greening grasses.  The limbs reach up, seeming to open to the warming sun, and it's usually a welcomed reminder of beauty after the darkness of winter. As summer rolls around, the trees pull strength from the sustenance provided by all that is given them during this season, to create the life that they will eventually provide to us when the time comes to harvest. And as the time to harvest comes, you can see the progression that the tree has made from those first days of spring.  The fruit is abundant, and the weight of what it bears pulling its' limbs towards the ground. It's quite a different sight and evokes such a contrasting energy than that of spring. In my own season of grief, I look upon these apple trees, realizing how closely they mimic my own feeling of overwhelm.  I feel
Read more