paintedpinkmountains

Tonight, right now, all I want to do is call my grandmother & say goodnight to her. I want to call her & say "hello" and then yawn, while she laughs at me & says "are we starting that already", because that's what we did. One of us would yawn, then the other would yawn, and we'd talk to each other about our day in between yawns. We were tired, but it didn't matter. Just one call, regardless of the duration, meant so much to me. Even just a short, one minute call to say "I love you" and let each of my boys take the phone to say "Goodnight Gammy, I love you", those calls mean more to me than anything right now because I would do it practically every night, and now I can't because she was taken away. She was such a huge part of my life.

When I write, I need at least 30 minutes to sit & relax, & basically just decompress from the busy-ness of daily life, before I can even start to concentrate. I'm so used to going from one thing to the next, to the next, with no break in between, and then before I know it it's bedtime & I didn't write one single word all day long. I've been wanting to break this habit, but when you only have 1/2 hour (if you're lucky) on a daily basis, it's hard to write when you spend all that time trying to get to the point where you can write. It's going to take some time, I see, to get this new habit off the ground and running consistently, but continue to push I must!

I love the color blue, in each & every beautiful shade. One day, quite a few years ago, I stood in front of my closet gazing at an ocean of hues from deepest night to the lightest sky. I thought to myself that perhaps I should start trying on some other colors (other than black & white, which I also had a good portion of, and of course that was before children as I rarely wear white these days). Today, my closet still holds a pretty high percentage of blue clothing, but I've branched out & included some purples. Every room in my house is white and I'm ready to splatter every cotton ball colored inch with refreshing tones of seafoam and lemon and romantic deep oranges & reds. I think I'll keep the blue to only one room though.

"I feel like my muses are sitting outside right now, on some random and poorly furnished waiting room, listening to "on hold" music, while I scramble to rearrange the life inside. " -gypsygirlsguide.com Reading through the "selected posts" on her blog, I stopped as soon as I came to this part. This is exactly how I feel right now. Perhaps my muses are listening to the Jeopardy theme music. And there are so many of them. Sitting. Waiting. Some hoping that I will sit down with a piece of crisp, blank paper, and start letting them dance their beautiful words. Others hoping that I'll pick up my camera and let them paint their beauty in images. They want to create. They want to be free. And me? I'm stuck in the daily path of repetition and bland gray cubicle walls, ignoring them.

It's really cold here. Perfect day to stay inside and cuddle up on the couch with the boys, some hot chocolate and a good movie.

I'm a procrastinator. And I will put things off until I can do them perfectly, exactly the way I envision them. That really takes the enjoyment out of the creative process sometimes.

While my mind is always full and running, I'm feeling more expressive in the visual realm lately.