20 May 2009

here comes the rain again

I spend every morning & afternoon commute listening to NPR on the radio. I read the local newspaper almost daily. I used to hear all the very sad stories of people's struggles and the very bad hands some are dealt in life, and I would wonder to myself "how do people deal with such tragedies? How must that pain feel? How can one move on & find happiness amongst such grief?"

I now know answers to at least part of those questions, and I wish I didn't. This year has been the worst year of my life and it's not even halfway over. I started the year out with a sort of manic motivation to make this a really great year, a really productive year, a year where I would find myself on a path to a life that is full of fulfillment. Instead I've spent the past few months watching people I love dearly leave this life for reasons which I'll never understand. I've watched my family be touched by more pain than one should have to endure in such a short period of time. And I stand here still holding these visions of a beautiful life in the palm of my hand, guarding my hopes & dreams with every ounce of strength I have, while feeling completely brittle inside and out, trying not to fall to pieces.

I know this will pass, I know there's strength there, but wallow in grief I must.....again.

I miss you daddy, please tell Gammy that I miss her too.

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40. mother. earth lover. mover. creater.