16 December 2009

resolutions

2008 was tough, and when it was over I was glad. I looked to 2009 to bring change, to bring the many things I was looking to see become reality in my life, and as January came I began to take steps towards making it all come true. 2009 was going to be my year. I was ready and pushing forward.

Just one short month into 2009 as I basked in the happiness I felt over purchasing a domain and setting up my photography website I was hit with tragedy in the sudden, horrible and totally unexpected loss of my grandmother. A woman who was the rock in my family. A woman who I looked to for wisdom and strength and cherished with every piece of my heart. It wasn’t a natural loss and the fact that I know she would have lived well past the centurian mark made it even harder to accept the loss. And just three even shorter months later I lost my father to cancer. Another rock. A man who spent his whole life working to provide for his family. A man who never thought of himself. He spent his days doing for others, making sure everyone else was happy. Yes, I am an only child and yes he spoiled me and I loved him immensely.

So needless to say, 2009 took a very different turn than I ever would have imagined. I’m still struggling to accept things, especially as the holidays draw near. I still question God every day, how this could have happened. How so much pain and sorrow could be shoved upon one family like this. However, I have persevered in some ways. I continued to work on my photography business. And I needed that. I needed something that could still allow me to see beauty through all the ugliness that had come to cloud my usually cheerful outlook. While I have fallen in other ways and pushed aside a lot of the things I’ve needed to change, I have kept moving on one thing.

And now, as 2010 is just around the corner, I have been making lists, running things through my head and planning what’s to come. For quite some time now, I’ve been compiling all these things to put in one nice big package for the new year……The Year of Me. And this is even before I stumbled upon this blog post: http://artcetera.squarespace.com/artcetera/2009/11/23/the-year-of-me.html

I read this post and made a promise to myself that by the end of 2010 I will also post that I have quit my job for the same reasons. And to answer her question, “What do you choose?”, well, I choose happiness. I choose acceptance for things that I can not change, I choose continuing perseverance, and I choose my own path. Happily I say goodbye to 2009, and although 2010 is going to bring just as many struggles as this year has, I will continue to fight the down. The only way to go is forward and I choose to make my own path.

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40. mother. earth lover. mover. creater.