Tonight I spent a bit of time on my porch writing in my journal. These beautiful fall days are probably on their way out as I type and tomorrow will most likely bring more true to the season weather. I seem to do my most intimate and deep writing when I'm sitting on my porch, with the late afternoon sun warming me, soaking it all up. Winter seems to keep me stuck to my couch, mostly with the knitting needles in my hands, which is fine, but I really need to create a space to do real writing during these cold months.
I attempted to work at my dreads tonight. I made one last week with the twist and pull method and the same day it started coming out. I pulled it out and tried to wrap it with some embroidery floss but there's no way I can accomplish this task myself as it's really hard to see, even with my glasses on. So then I tried to create a new one at the top of my head using the same twist and pull method. Didn't work. Tonight apparently isn't the right time to work on my dreads.
I'm guessing that I just need to continue to let them dread themselves. My hair is telling me what it wants to do and rather than try to control it, I need to let it do what it wants.
It's a fucking mess. Really. I wake up in the morning and it's crazy looking, and I try to calm it, and that really works. Mostly. But it seems like the more I try to force them the worse it all looks.
Life is much the same. Force something and it gets all fucked up. And I can carry this with me in other areas, which is why I'm on this journey.....to help me learn patience. Because I really need to learn patience. It's the process, after all, that is where the depth is found. Sure, my hair is a mess, and so are other things, but isn't the beauty actually found in the mess? It's the crazy, messy parts that bring us to the most meaningful experiences? Sometimes having no answer to the craziness brings more experience too.
I'm trying, really, really hard, to embrace the moment, the process, every intricate and meaningful moment. Not just in terms of my hair, but in so many other areas. And I'm reminded of the beauty in all of it every time I look at each of the dreads forming. They twist, turn and pull themselves in and out of the locks in their own way, much as the rest of my life seems to be unfolding in it's own crazy way.
More to come :)