paintedpinkmountains

I rarely, if ever, paint my fingernails, but I'm not really happy in the summertime unless my toes are painted too. It's tough to find environmentally (and people) friendly nail polish. I love fresh flowers in a beautiful vase. I love how yoga makes me feel, but I only end up doing it on average about once a month. I have a large collection of poetry that I have written over the years. Maybe someday I'll do something with it. I love writing utensils, mostly pens. And paper, and notebooks, and I love writing by hand. I also love books. Especially used books, old books, books that have been touched, enjoyed and show just how much. Something about the texture of a worn hardcover book in my hands. I thought about numbering this list, but decided not to. I could still change my mind and add numbers, or bullet points. I have a hard time making decisions. I'm a Libra, in many many ways. I am always very quick to point out grammatical or punctuation errors or typos in other...

The classic Road Runner. A car that has become rusty and is falling to pieces from sitting lonely for years in my parents driveway, quite neglected due to lack of time to give it the attention it needs. Yet when I look at that car, I still see the sprawling red stripe running back across it's shiny, beautiful black painted surface. I still hear the deep rumbling of it's engine, humming softly af first, but getting louder, feeling it in my bones as it gets closer, closer to the driveway. Then the gentle revving just before being shut off outside the garage. I knew within seconds that my daddy would be walking through the door, usually pulling a candy bar out of his pocket for his only little girl. Oh how I miss you daddy, what I wouldn't give to feel the bristle of your cheeks on my face as you lean down to hug me close. I bugged you for years, daddy, to get rid of that car. A car that you "would like to fix up someday". Well, it might take me years, but if...

Life has been quite overwhelming lately. Physically, emotionally and mentally overwhelming. Each day I go from feeling content for a nanosecond to feeling a rush of grief, followed by moments of sadness alternating with a push to keep moving. One minute I'm functioning, completing what needs to be done, but within minutes I'm back to feeling lost. Another minute I'm entertaining my creative side only to be left feeling guilty for looking for happiness amongst the muck. It sounds crazy, and it feels like it too. I feel everything, but yet I don't know what to feel. And this would be the perfect time for me to write, but I can't seem to find the time to do it. I know that I should make time for my morning pages, but it's hard when everything I own is split up between three different residences. Sure the laptop is at one house, but the power cord is at another and which bag (in which house) did I put my journals in? Not to mention working full time (with...

I spend every morning & afternoon commute listening to NPR on the radio. I read the local newspaper almost daily. I used to hear all the very sad stories of people's struggles and the very bad hands some are dealt in life, and I would wonder to myself "how do people deal with such tragedies? How must that pain feel? How can one move on & find happiness amongst such grief?" I now know answers to at least part of those questions, and I wish I didn't. This year has been the worst year of my life and it's not even halfway over. I started the year out with a sort of manic motivation to make this a really great year, a really productive year, a year where I would find myself on a path to a life that is full of fulfillment. Instead I've spent the past few months watching people I love dearly leave this life for reasons which I'll never understand. I've watched my family be touched by more pain than one should have to endure in such a short per...

Not the movie, but those little buggers in the back of your mind that creep up when you start to realize just how capable & talented you are at something. They are the voices that whisper to you just loud enough for you to hear "are you sure? do you really think so?" Just enough to make you stop & entertain their silly musings. Because that's all they are. Just silliness.

Spring ! It seems to officially be here. The sun is shining beautifully and there's a slight breeze. The warm air feels so good. No coat! It's been fabulous today, indeed. I have so much to say, but time is not something that I seem to have a lot of lately. I've launched a photography business so most of my free time has been devoted to getting that going. It feels really good to be doing. I could easily have crawled into a hole and locked myself away with all the sad things that have happened so far this year. But something (or someone perhaps?) is pushing me to keep moving. Forcing me to go above & beyond. I am truly amazed at how much strength I seem to have. Though certainly it doesn't mean that the pain is gone. It is still there, and very fresh, but somehow I am able to look at the sun outside & feel it's warmth on my skin & thank God.

I'm quite ready for some warmer weather, and some blooming flowers, sprouting trees, and daily walks in the fresh air. This winter has seemed to be the longest one I've ever experienced and I'm far from ready for it to be over.