paintedpinkmountains

Yesterday, we took our traditional trip to the tree farm to pick out our tree. This is something that I enjoy doing every year. I go back and forth in my feelings to how eco-friendly this is, but have pretty much settled on this being the best option for us. First, it's a tree farm, so they get cut down and are grown on a specific tract of land that is used only for this purpose. Second, artificial trees are made of who knows what and use resources that we don't need to use for this purpose. Third, I'm supporting a local business. Besides all of those reasons, my children thoroughly enjoy it. As do I. From driving back to the farm, walking through the many rows of trees with their distinct smells, cutting it down (which, the boys did all on their own this year!), dragging it out to the vehicle, setting it up at home and decorating it....it's all just very heartwarming to me and something that I plan to continue doing. This year, we listened to the Nutcracker whi...

I participated in www.hippyurbangirl.com/december-views/ last year and thoroughly enjoyed it. In the past, I had felt very dry in my photographic mojo during the cold, seemingly colorless winter months and often my camera would sit for weeks as I anticipated the beautiful blossoms of spring to bring me back to my passion. But in the past couple years I’ve found that winter holds just as much beauty as all the more colorful, bright and fragrant months of spring, summer and fall. The skies are just as blue in the winter and the contrast of the snow against it brings my creative side out. What I most enjoy now, as the weather tries to push us inside with it’s icy chill, are the trees. They appear to be devoid of life, but the way their limbs twist and spread out against the deep blue sky is just as beautiful to me as any blossoming flower. Every branch seems to have grown in perfect symmetry with each other and they take their perfect shapes. I’ve looked forward to December Views this ye...

three days ago i picked up my great grandfather's guitar and decided to teach myself to play it. so far i've learned three chords; the d chord, the a chord and the e chord and tonight i started working on switching between them. last night i got the d and a chords down pretty good and i started to switch for a bit and my fingers were really hurting by that time. so I stopped for the night. about an hour ago I picked it up & my fingers found the d chord with suprising ease. and with the first strum it felt like I kind of knew what i was doing. I strummed a few times and there was no icky sounds, and it just felt so natural. So I switched back & forth between d & a for a while and then went to the e chord. this one seemed like the easiest to learn so far. and while my fingers did start to hurt a bit, it eventually got to the point that i wasn't even noticing it. like they were either numb or i was just a bit excited about actually playing. it's amazin...

I find myself in a constant state of reflection lately. Looking deeply at the things happening in my life, past events that have brought me to where I am now, the many paths I’ve taken and what role they all played in teaching me the valuable lessons I’ve had to learn. I’ve gone through some crappy times and have spent many a moment wondering why things had to be so hard, why life couldn’t just throw me a ball that I could see coming and allow me to easily whack it out of the ballpark. I still find myself asking those same questions. Why can’t things just be a little easier? Why does every day have to be filled with stress? Work-stress, stress from a situation that just doesn’t seem to be going away, frustration with someone who says too much, frustration with someone who doesn’t say enough, stress from being overwhelmed with clutter and remodeling dirt. All I want to do is sit on my balcony listening to the birds, watching the sun set and feel the cool air refreshing my soul as the s...

I’m late in joining Brene Brown’s weeklong “Perfect Protest” http://www.ordinarycourage.com/my-blog/2010/9/26/the-perfect-protest.html but it’s something I need to do. For someone who spent too many years putting up with emotional abuse, I’m well aware of how imperfect I am. But I’m ready to embrace it. I’m ready to admit the many things that are “wrong” with me and say “who cares”. So here goes I walk heavy. Amazing how such a short person can make such noise. I haven’t washed my vehicle in over a year…possibly closer to two. I allow my children to eat in the living room. I sometimes forget about leftovers and produce in my fridge. I have weeds growing up around my mailbox. I often leave clothes laying around. Sometimes I’ll pull laundry out of the dryer and it will sit in the basket for a few days. I don’t brush my hair every day, and often just wash it and throw it up in mess on my head. I change my mind a lot. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I worry, a lot. My friends have many wonde...

today i turn 34. this is, i guess, the last year i can officially say that i'm in my "early thirties". these last four years have gone by rather quickly and i can only imagine how fast the next four or so will go by. i decided to follow the masses and create yet another seemingly popular list. 34 things to do before i'm 35. i have a "life list" which i think needs a little tweaking or adding, and i have the 101 things in 1001 days list....this one needs revamped as there are many life list things on it that aren't really feasible to do in 1001 days. anyway, i'm heading towards digressing here, the 34 before 35 list....travel is a huge love of mine and there are so many places i want to see. it's really easy for me to want to add all these amazing places to every list i make, but in a year it's not likely i'll get to more than one or two of them, so i had to try to keep it realistic. and i still have about 10 items to add. i've tried t...

I’m a walking contradiction. I want to be alone – yet I want to connect. I want to be perfect – yet I know there is no such thing. I know myself so well – yet I have no clue who I really am. I am insanely happy – yet there are so many things I want to change. I want to run away – yet I want to keep my feet planted firmly here where the roots have been growing my whole life. I’m stronger than I ever felt possible – yet I’m completely sensitive and delicate. I know what my gut tells me is usually true – yet I continue to make myself vulnerable. I think so deeply I feel things much further than the depths of my core It’s hard to be such an emotional person And still guard my soul It’s a challenge to see people for who they really are When you constantly question their intentions I believe that our perceptions are typically based upon half-truths. People only allow you to see what they feel comfortable letting out. When you only have half of a picture it’s difficult to judge a situation fa...

I often feel as if I’m floating through life. Like, I’m going through all the motions, yet not really experiencing any of it. Whatever I may be doing at any given moment, my mind is in a million other moments. Constantly ahead of the next task, constantly thinking about the many struggles I have going on…..and mostly I’m thinking about how calm and free I will feel whenever I’m over all the struggles. I often think of the piece of writing that goes around in emails every once in a while; the one that tells us to ‘live now’ and not to wait until “the bills are paid off” or “the house remodeling is complete” and that there will always be something to keep us moving. And it is so true, and I know it is true, but I also know that I’ve been completely unable to stop and really live through everything I have on my plate right now. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a calm existence. It’s been many years since I’ve felt at peace with the things in my life (other than my children of course,...

I find myself at a crossroads, standing idly amongst the many options, feeling completely paralyzed and unable to focus. Each route enticing me with brightly colored, flashing billboards, touting their lists of glorious outcomes while the one road that I’m on flashes it’s own consistent sign warning me that those other outcomes are empty promises and that there is security in continuing to stay on route. I stand here, wanting so for the road that I’m on to suddenly build it’s own brightly lit billboard with all the wonderful things I’m wishing for it to contain. I’ve spent a long and quite frustrating time wishing these things to fruition and I’m pretty certain that most of these things are never going to appear on this road. I’m becoming more certain every day that this road will always contain the same depressing scenes with the same status-quo experiences and if I stay on this road I am certain to come to the end of it and look back in regret at the options that I’ve passed up. Life...

These feet are almost six years old and I still have the urge to grab them and kiss them just like I did when they were baby feet.

Spring is here. It's here and while there has been plenty of rain there has also been plenty of blossoming beauty all around. It's been completely therapeutic to get out with my camera and capture all of it. I missed the peak on these beauties, but in a strange way I still find beauty in it's death. The contrast, the fragility, the still amazing, bright colors continuing to hold out in the paper thin petals. And there's nothing like taking a photo with a specific subject and realzing that there are actually two amazing subjects combined to create depth and contrast. It never ceases to amaze me how I can compose a photo so carefully and still find a new point of view when I load it on the screen. Photography continues to help me find beauty. It continues to remind me that even though the rain falls and dark clouds shadow over us at times, life still pushes through the much and there is still so much to be thankful for. And if you've taken the time to read my...

I'm very inconsistent, yet I'm a creature of habit and thrive on routine. I love being spontaneous but again, with the routine. I love the smell of fresh lilacs and think they bloom for a much too short period of time. I've love to mow the lawn, even though I have to use a riding mower due to having nearly 8 acres of lawn to mow and it really makes me cringe to think of the addition to my carbon footprint....especially when added to the fact that I drive an SUV, but it's a 12 year old SUV and I justify it not only by the fact that I need 4wd, but that it's also 12 years old and I plan on not sending it to the scrapyard til it's absolutely on it's last leg. I digress, back to the mowing......I find it relaxing and it's one task in my life that actually can be finished, if only for a couple days til it needs done again. I usually don't care about capitalizing the first letter in a sentence, yet I'm a bit crazy about being grammatically correct an...

My poor little neglected blog. I'm so sorry I've not been paying attention to you lately. It's been busy, to say the least. I think mostly, though, I've been doing more actual living in the moment and less contemplating. So haven't really felt much like writing. Today, though, I am so thankful for this beautiful weather. It was an absolutely lovely weekend. Much sun, many snuggles under the sun with my little ones, and even a little color to my pasty, pale, covered under the cold of winter skin. It feels great to have my toes out, even if I haven't yet had the time to paint them.

Really, seriously tired of this weather. The snow is beautiful, but I've had enough already. Little more than one month til spring is here. And it can't come soon enough. I need flowers blooming, birds singing and warm air.

went out at lunch today and shot some photos, for fun. it was a beautiful day, if a little bitter, the sun was shining and it just felt really good to be outside.

A recent post by Dancing Mermaid http://dancingmermaid.com/blog/2010/01/12/what-brings-you-simple-joy/ begs me to post today. To answer her question, "What small things bring you so much joy?" I'll make a list :) 1. watching the sun rise during my morning commute 2. when my boys walk up to me out of nowhere, throw their arms around me and say "I Love You, Mommy!" 3. a warm bowl of Amy's Organic Chunky Tomato Bisque 4. having great friends at work to help me escape when it gets stressful 5. meeting with a potential wedding client who tells me that she really wanted to meet with me because she likes my style. 6. standing outside my house at night in the complete quiet looking up at the stars. 7. fresh flowers 8. an empty laundry basket (which doesn't happen often) 9. an empty sink (which happens even less often than the laundry) 10. the color blue 11. listening to Hank Williams Sr. and remembering my dad playing his guitar and how he used to sing along. 1...

Clean slate, fresh start! A chance to make resolutions and feel good about moving forward. But also a chance to beat myself up about things that don't "stick". Setting unrealistic goals with strict guidelines is just setting myself up for failure. So, my word for the year being "acceptance", I'm going to go further than originally planned with this. Not only am I going to accept the things that have occurred in 2009 and find a way to move on from the grief and sadness in them, I'm going to also add "acceptance of myself" to this list. Sure there are things I want to change but rather than trying to ignore them & hope they go away I'm going to accept these things and look them in the eye and make friends with them. I'm going to say "oh, hello there procrastination, I see you're visiting again". Then I'm going to say "could you come back later? I really don't have time to indulge you right now". ...